Okay, first of all, I am not suicidal. I shall explain. Context is everything, right?
Excitement has left me a bit weary this past week. I have been settling back to earth, after experiencing the debut of my first book on Amazon, Soft Trades, Hard Blows, A Poetry Collection. In mid-October, several loving colleagues, friends and family, assisted with an event called a “launch party,” which basically is a day or two of vast social media attention given to an author as he or she “launches” or sends work into the world. I have found out first-hand, that it’s hard to step out onto the stage of the publishing world and not promote your work. The whole effort seems proud and self-centered.
So, the question arises. How do artists and creators promote or advertise their craft without sounding like they are screaming across the pool, “WATCH ME! Watch me!” as they plunge from the high dive platform for the first time?
Those of you who know me best, know that I have loved theatre and stage performance most of my life. Slowly, over years of directing, I became less interested my appearance before an audience, and more absorbed in my students’ accomplishments as all eyes turned to them. A couple of community theatre productions satisfied my urge to perform, but it has truly been a slow weaning process. I don’t really like being the center of attention any more. Can you believe that the annual “Back to School Night” was one of the most nerve-wracking two hours of my teaching career?
Performing and maintaining humility is a tough marriage. Just ask any of us who have been a part of church music. For years, my husband and I sang in choirs, which I loved; the harmony of many voices raised in praise is still, to me, a little glimpse of Heaven. Then, we became “praise band” members, placing each of us a bit more in the spotlight. My husband worships with drums, and a few years ago, you could find me behind a microphone. I would be lying to say there isn’t sometimes a battle of ego and “performance spirit” versus truly focusing on praising Jesus. I think if you asked, most church praise team members would be hard-pressed not to honestly admit, that sometimes they have wanted people to notice their contribution to the group. Yet, wanting music to please the congregation-- to bless, not blister - the ears of the worshippers, is not offensive. Thus, the struggle: seeking good performance, wrestling with offering honest unself-conscious praise.
So, while my singing now is congregational (and in the car), my writing is on display. For any of us wanting to promote our creative work, sharing it through publication, pride and ego appear to lurk between the lines. Hence, I must take a hard look. What am I here for, and how am I to do it?
I believe I am here because the same God who whirled this universe into being, who carved out the mountains and scooped out the rivers, and poured the mighty oceans, who breathed life into each living plant and creature, created each of us, too. He placed us here, in this time, in this place. While I’ve taught, performed, and sung, while I now write, He gives me strength and life for a much larger purpose than my accomplishments. My work is to bring Him glory and praise.
And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (Colossians 3:17 ESV)
Friends— forgive me if the steady Facebook advertising and my publication posts have appeared ego - driven these past few weeks. Do I want you to read my book? Of course! Do I want you to enjoy it? Naturally! Do I seek to be a famous author? Get a television spot? See my photograph on a newspaper or magazine page? No, no, and thanks, No,” to the photo spread. I want to tell you through my verses what I’ve seen, tasted, and felt in this life I have been given. As a child of God, driven to write, I’m imperfect, a sinner, frayed, but faithful, and redeemed!
The beautiful lyrics of “Lead Me to the Cross,” by Brooke Fraser haunted me after our Sunday service last week. These words better express what I want you, dear reader, to know.
Savior I come
Quiet my soul, remember
Redemption’s hill
Where your blood was spilled
For my ransom
Everything I once held dear
I count it all as lost
Lead me to the cross
Where your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross
As we consider humility, we can thank the beloved, late Eugene Peterson for leaving us a lasting gift by translating holy words into understandable, but powerful terms:
Get down on your knees before the Master; it’s the only way you’ll get on your feet.
James 4:10 (The Message)
Some of you perhaps wrestle with this ego/pride beast too? How do you confront it? What helps you keep the balance between the desire to share an accomplishment and boasting? I would love to hear from you!
‘Til next time, God’s blessings!